Auntie Pastos' last night...Lincoln today

Rich is mostly feeling tired. His best time is the early am. But last night we did a family dinner at our favorite restaurant Auntie Pasto's. Rich ate some salad. His appetite is very little in the evening. This morning I put icing on a fresh backed banana cake. He ate a piece for breakfast and it was too sweet for him to finish it. wow how his taste buds have changed. We are still eating a 'good' shake with kale and lots of greens but he is mostly a jello guy now. Today at 11:40 we will be in a theater to watch 'Lincoln'. Rich has been wanting to watch this movie for awhile so ...it's gonna happen today.

Suz and I revamped the meds. I think I will color code them for me. In 33 yrs I have not once given my husband meds. So now I am paying attention. Dr. Emma will come tomorrow to 'tap' Rich's tummy. It keeps filling up with fluids and makes it difficult for breathing. We tried some meds to help the flow but.......didn't work. Oh well, no biggie. Rich likes to be tapped. It gives him immediate relief. wowowo.

Christmas + 4

Good morning. I am sorry for not keeping up with this blog for a couple of days. We did have both the hospice nurse and doc visit yesterday. The nurse came at 8:30 and the doc at noon. They were simple visits. Rich has had some very bad and very good days. Doc is going to tweak his meds to get the best state of alertness. Rich was able to Skype with his sister Stacie yesterday. It was wonderful.  For all of you who would like to talk and see Rich this may be the best alternative. Grandma Stercho will be here with his sister Janet in early January. The doc felt that Rich has 2-3 months at best. We focus on comfort and whatever pleases him. He asked Suz to drive him to the North Shore to see the waves (they are huge in the winter). Andrew spends lots of time with us. My work schedule is light as most of my kids are on the mainland visiting their grandmas so we are having exceptional family time. So grateful. Rich seems at peace with everything. We are keeping a positive house- as much as we can.  

Christmas plus 1

Quiet day. Rich slept most of the day. Little appetite. Met with the hospice social worker and she had good information for us. She felt we were in good shape for all of this. It just came so soon. 

Silent Night, Holy Night Christmas 2012

We are celebrating big this year with good friends and fabulous foods. We transitioned well from Straub and had a wonderful ride home. Christmas Eve is definitely the time to drive on H-1. We got home in 20 minutes. The Hospice gal met us here at 6:30 and we straitened out all the details and will get going tomorrow. Today was a Holy day. We started with giving thanks for having Dad home for this day. Thanksgiving was hard to enjoy without him. The Barone's, Loretta, Kurt and the Reyes came and it was a wonderful time. I made the strata, Andrew made crepes and Suz did the fabulous cookies. More food came and it was a lovely time of sharing and enjoying one another. Kurt installed one hand rail  in the shower...good.

We just had a mile walk with all four of us. Slow but steady!

 Our dear friend, Marilyn Reda, made us a quilt and it arrived a day before Christmas. wow. Dorothy was right......there is no place like home. amen.

Hospice

Nobody was expecting it this soon, but here we stand (or lay, in my case). After a more proper examination today, cancer nodules were found in my Dads lungs, infection in multiple organs, and in his blood. The medication my dad was on to prevent his blood clots from getting bigger is making things worse.

The procedures to help with these things will cause more harm than good. And with him not eating or breathing properly, he would not be able to recover from them very well.

So the team of doctors agree hospice is the next step. On the night Christmas Eve, my Dad will come home to us. We will have Christmas together.

We are all real sad and appreciate all your prayer and love and hugs.

our ten foot tree with tinsel

this tree is almost a month old.......got to buy it soon after Thanksgiving or else you won't get one. The first thing Rich did when he got home was to put on the silver stuff. btw......since they drained about 2 liters out of his tummy today he is breathing much better now and is sleeping like a baby. maybe this will be a short stay.....

Back at Straub

ok.........Rich had a doc visit with Dr.Barton, and she highly recommended that Rich go to the ER for testing. Good thing.  A CT scan showed two small clots in his chest. He is receiving continuous heparin that will help with the clots. He also is having fluid removed from his abdomen that will greatly make his breathing easier.He got a DVT by sleeping in a chair in the hospital. What a mess. So glad we did that trip to Vegas. It was fun to fly while we could.  

day 4 of chemo

I am not sure exactly what is going on with Rich due to other concerns and issues he has but last night he had a real tough time catching his breath. Kurt was able to come over and we spend a couple of hrs praying over him. God did some amazing things like bring his blood pressure down significantly. His countenance was also dramatically changed. He feels lousy. How could he not? Chemo going in was ok, but now we see the after affects. Our days are filled with doctor appts. Suz is doing today's runs. I will take Mon and Wed. It's pretty crazy with keeping up with his docs. We see doc Maldini on Monday and that will be a treat for all of us. We don't have much Christmas cheer but we are making cookies in spite of it. Aloha.............

Finding a routine

Vegas was good as it got us into a different venue of thinking and moving. But now that we are back we need to look at the best possible way to manage the days. Rich and I went to see Doc Kwan this morning. She has medically helped all of us plus Grandma Stercho. We trust her. Rich needed a new GP so he decided to jump on board with us. This woman is very thorough. She reviewed all of the hospital stays and current meds. We only had two requests: an abdomen x ray to see if Rich had any blockage and to see about getting a handicap placard. Both were addressed and successful . Rich's digesting is difficult for him. We wanted to make sure nothing was in the way. We got the placard within an hour of asking for one. wow. Rich is snoozing away. His energy is fairly good in the morning. His eating is best around noon. We can work around those times. Suz will be his primary driver while she is home. I will rework my schedule when she returns. It should be good. Andrew is only a call away. Such good kiddo's we have.

78 Days Later

My Dad did it! He got his first round of chemo! As I write this he is sleeping peacefully beside me. So far, so good. I think mentally it was just a big deal for him to actually get to a point where he could get treatment.

Life is pretty simple right now. Sleeping a ton and watching Christmas movies for all of us.

Vegas was super fun. I won money guys. Off of my brothers money, but still counts. We went to shows and went on walks and choked on cigarette smoke. Not our dream city, but it was a free trip, and it was time for all of us to be together. So no complaining, even from this sassypants. While my Dad was sleepy, he was a trooper, and on our biggest day we got him a wheelchair. Which he LOVED.

I have the cutest photo ever of all of us. Prepare yourselves. Somehow I forgot my cord that connects my computer to my camera in Colorado, but I'll figure it out and you can see the love and joy that is our family.

I'm sure my Mama will be back here to update, but I probably won't be for a bit. I need to spend some time from my computer after this semester. Have the best Christmas with everybody you love.

Suz

A good start

Rich is on day three at being home. He is sleeping, eating and keeping himself close to the bathroom. The first thing he did was to put some ice cycles on our tree so now it looks 'better'. Church was last night and that went well. He is managing his pain fairly well, not as loopy  as before and his balance and ambulation is good. We do several walks a day. Rich is figuring out how to set up the Lionel train . He is driving well and just feels good to be home. Yeah. Tonight we are doing the 'city lights' tour in Honolulu Hale. Not sure if Rich will go but it sure is a pretty trip. We have started baking our Christmas cookies. Susanne made a cream cookie and I made pecan tassies. It's a good start.

Welcome Home Richie

This in itself is a miracle. Rich is coming home today. I will pick him up at high noon. Docs all want him to go to Vegas and hopefully he will. We are saying....yes......lets go. Staff has been especially sweet and tender towards him. Emotionally hospitals are so draining. He will be happier home, putzing around the house, putting ice cycles on the tree. Pupu's are as scheduled so that will be good. Pray for us.....these are important days. Thanks so much.

Getting better eating

More of the same.....Rich is doing so well. Doc spent a few minutes giving Rich travel tips on how to keep his tummy happy. Rich is seeking the Lord to know if it's His will if he should do this trip. There is alot to be considered. We are content to go or not go. Go would be more fun but ....want to be at peace for all of this. Rich is 'stuffing' himself with his pureed diet so he is learning to do smaller portions and more frequent meals. It's a huge adjustment to how he usually eats so we will do this eating thing together. Friday looks to be the d/c date unless something pops up. All his blood numbers are good. He is very mobile, and looks too darn healthy to be there.

A Date Night

Rich and I had a cozy date night last night in his room. We watched 'The Sting' with Robert Redford and Paul Newman. Andrew stayed awhile so that made it 'more better'. We are missing Suz and her wit. But we will see her soon in Vegas. Rich's stomach is continuously getting better at processing food. Each day he is less distended. Doc Maldini called that one....what a smart guy. Rich continues with a daily walk 6-7x/day so he looks good and strong for a guy who has been stuck in a hospital for 3.5 weeks. Yikes. It was good for Suz to see how much people (docs, nurses, housekeeping, dietary) like him and care for him. He has favor with all these people and knows everyone by name. He is spending much time in prayer and reading the Word. He wants to hear everything the Lord would speak to him. amen!  Later Gator.

WOO WOO

This pic is of Suz and Dad  four days ago....doing something we all enjoy.....stupid tv.
I am a bit excited this am as Rich texted me to say he is 'off his IV' and set FREE. He will be in the hospital till doc sees he is stable on foods. One of his blood numbers came out a little high from his daily blood work but doc said not to worry about it as the bilirubin is still 2. They will watch him like a hawk. I am going to decorate this room 'Vegas' style.......believing we are going there on the 12-17. Join us if you can. ha ha.

Good News from Doc Maldini

Sunday is such a lovely day. We spent about 6-7 hrs walking and praying, laughing, singing. Doc Maldini came in about 3 pm (he visits EVERY day). He said that Rich is making slow steady progress. He advanced the food intake to soft solids. WE are thrilled. He is taking this slow due to the other set backs Rich has had. He said he believes Rich will be out in one week. Lets pray for sooner. 

We told him we have  a planned vacation to Vegas on the 12 and he said he would let us know in a week. Rich looks really good. He is lean and moving on those hospital floors 4-5 x/day. Wow. Andrew dropped by before coming home. Suz will go back to CO tomorrow night.She has finals to contend with. We will meet her in Vegas on the 14th. yeah. I will only be going if Rich goes.....the kids know how to have fun with out their parents.

A Good Day

Suz and I saw Rich early this am, then later this pm. We did a shopping trip to Ala Moana and wanted to make sure Rich started his day with a shower. Well........it gets him going in the right direction for the day. He had a good day, good energy. He is taking a good laxative that is really helping to purge his system. Doc said when he is eating a normal diet he can come home. He may get more 'solid' type food tomorrow. We sure hope so. I don't want this month running too far without him being home to enjoy it. He is loving the Jumba Juice but we do a much healthier smoothie at home from our little kale garden. Sleep tight Richie......tomorrow is another day. A good day.

We'll Always Have Paris

Sometimes nothing goes right. It’s a natural consequence of being human. But when it happens for weeks on end, it starts to get at you. A number of things happen. For me, personally: sleeping either two or twelve hours a night, getting really angry at people who complain about incorrect Starbucks orders and/or call me Suzanne, Susan, or any other incorrect variation of my name. Watch out world!

Let’s review shall we?

Two months ago my father was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma. His bilirubin levels were too high to start chemotherapy, a stent was placed to allow for proper movement. He flew to Baltimore to get a consult, a plan was made after reviewing options, after a test confirms his levels are low enough to begin chemo, he flew back to Hawaii to meet with an oncologist to start chemotherapy. After a PICC line is placed, he goes into start, except his fever is 102, so it’s a no go. A few more tests and he has confirmed sepsis. That resolves, but then his gallbladder acts up it has to get removed, biopsies are taken that confirm metastasis to his liver. Another date for chemo is set. But he can’t digest food, he’s boated, he keeps throwing up. His stomach isn’t working. A bypass is preformed to skip his duodenum that is obstructed by the tumor. But his stomach still won’t work. He still can’t eat. Nothing works. And he’s in excruciating pain.  After a (seemingly successful) nerve block today, and a colonoscopy, it looks he is just really impacted (google at your own risk). After that resolves with laxatives and enemas, his stomach hopefully starts working again. Eventually. Possibly. 

The handsome Italian Stallion, Dr. Maldini, reminded me today we need to move forward so he can start chemo. That’s the goal. Except I was also reminded today how inherently flawed the conventional treatment for cancer is. We poison the whole body in the process. It kills people just as much as it makes them better. It sucks.

All this really sucks.

So fine. Everything is terrible. I’m depressed and mad. I can’t think straight and all I want to do is lay in bed all day. That’s not great.  But it sure as hell makes me thankful for all the trips I took with my Dad to Sam’s Club to look at cakes as a little girl. All the days we played making forts and sliding down our stairs on giant pillows. I’m glad we worked through my rocky teenage years to get to a place where he could teach me the high points of capitalism and he could hear my passion for fighting human trafficking. I could at last admire him for how smart and what a listener he is. I’m so glad we traveled across the country so much, saw so many beautiful things together. I’m glad he let us cuddle with him so much. He made so much time to be our Dad.

I surprised him in the hallway last week after an x-ray, and in a propofol stupor, he looked at me, stroked my cheek and said “my beautiful girl, the one I prayed for, for nine years”. He really did too. They tried so hard to have babies. And when they finally got them they spent every single day making it evident how much they loved us.

They gave us every beautiful thing they knew: Christ, knowledge, and Glacier National Park.

And then Paris, Rome, and Bratislava, when they got a little more cash.

This is my favorite picture of my parents. They are both drunk. We are in Greece. I love them. 

In conclusion of this extremely long winded note, hang out with people that created you/you created today. Mean it when you say you love them.

Suzanna

Better Pain Management

NG tube did not provide much relief for Rich so out came the tube. After two tough nights of basically not sleeping Dr. Maldini got a pain meds doc to do a consult with Rich. I came in on the beginning of this visit and wow......Rich was very excited. He found someone who really spoke his pain language. So..this is a good thing. His stomach is still distended, he is getting nutrition via iv TPN (looks like clear orange bug juice) and they throw in some lipids for a balanced meal. We need a better nutrition plan for sure. I can't catch doc in his early am visits but can text Rich who relays concerns. This doc is pretty real about keeping things focused. The real goal is chemo. Chemo pts need to eat. Rich needs to eat. Rich has other activities going on. The Lord is presenting him with people to reach out to and pray. He is always willing and ready to do whatever comes his way. Interesting ministry and so personal. I am remembering the words spoken over Rich a few years back with a prophet from Australia was visiting. He told Rich he would have a healing ministry. Rich is active in the prayer ministry at church but this is something far more reaching.

The kids had a pretty good time at the hospital last night. Suz assisted with the shower/shave. He was too tired yesterday afternoon for his daily shower but was very ready by 6 pm. I got to speak to Rich's mom a couple days ago. I will only give her the brightest of the reports. She has enough to deal with being so far away. We have a multitude of people praying, a very smart/ compassionate doc team and nurses. 

Another trip is at hand. Vegas is scheduled from Dec 12-17th. We really want him to go with us. I put off canceling his ticket in hopes of some solutions to the immediate issues. The kids will have so much fun there...so many shows and bright lights. 

Stomach Pain

Rich is having a tough time with this stomach pain. Doc put the nose tube in to help relieve the pain but he only got so much relief. Please pray that they find out what is going on in his stomach. His surgery was over a week ago and it went well. HUMMMMM.....no visitors tonight, he wanted to rest.

Stuck in First Gear

Rich's stomach is not moving...liquids move very slowly through his stomach after a few days. He continues to be bloated and very much in discomfort. Doc does x rays to see what is going on with the digestion process but there is no occlusion or leakage. Doc is adding/changing meds to help the process. I sure hope so. Rich is back to having the iv 'food' TPN. His energy and spirit are strong. He walks all day and some of the night. I am not a good waiter. We need a plan B for this tummy. Kurt is the early visitor, I am the middle, and Andrew and Suz end the day. Seems to be a good play for visitors. 

The tree is almost decorated. We ran out of ornaments so once we fully clothe the tree I will put a pic of it here for you to see. Rich has seen small pictures of this tree. It is so beautiful. He will love it first hand........the smell of pine trees......nothing like it. 

The Lord reminded me of the healing of a little boy..."Heaven is for Real". This kiddo had an appendicitis that wasn't dx properly and wow..the healing process was excruciating to read, can't imagine walking that one out with a little boy (he was almost 4). Rich needs new body parts. We are praying for them all, stomach, liver, gallbladder and pancreas.  Of course we will include new knees as well, why not.

Better day...

Today is a good day. After a shower and a shave Rich seems to perk up and wants to walk. Andrew joined me today at Straub. He was relaxed and he did record Dr. Maldini's talk today. Our good doc is not terribly concerned about Rich's stomach as it is fairly common after this procedure. Rich's stomach is slow to 'wake up' and properly function. His  lower intestines seem to be working fabulously. Enough said. Doc said it may take up to 2 weeks to fully return to normal function. Test results show no blockage and leakage. Good news. We want him home sitting in his chair and putting ice cycles on the tree. Andrew will attack this tree tonight with lights. This should be fun. I am looking forward to this tree decorating. We are finding joy in the simple things......parking spaces, dark chocolate, football games.

Gratitude

I love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday. Family, food, wine, board games, stories, rainy weather. It’s the best. So when my Dad was supposed to come home and didn’t, it threw a serious wrench in the operation. It became increasingly difficult to be thankful.

Dr. Ono (my personal favorite of my Dad’s plethora of doctors), spent a lot of time with us today. Showed us the CT scan, discussed options and details. The tumor is growing and the metastases are spreading. My Dad’s stomach isn’t emptying properly, the muscles that move food through are much less productive than they need to be. So his belly is always really full, which is really uncomfortable, and he hasn’t eaten real food for almost two weeks. His stomach function is being impaired by the cancer. So he needs chemo to shrink the tumor. He can’t start chemo without food. He can’t eat food until his stomach is functioning. This. Sucks. 

All that said, there are always things to be grateful for. There are still things to find joy in. The world is still spinning, babies are still being born. My Dad, despite being in pain, is still positive. My Mom and I have each other to cry and eat ice cream with when we need.

Send him loving text messages, and visit him if you can.

Suz 

We think one more night at Straub

Grandma took the news pretty well. Rich spoke to his sisters and brother and was told that Genevieve did ok with the news. Wow......that is really something to be happy about. Rich is eating his jello and avoiding his mushroom soup but his tummy is rumbling and we hope to be home tomorrow. Suz has bought special foods so that he can enjoy his favorite Thanksgiving foods. I had no idea there was a different butter that comes from grass fed cows. Organic turkey.....that sounds good. Rich is very careful to eat exactly what they give  him. I tried to bribe him with some good potato soup and he would not eat the soup. We snuggled up and watched "To Kill a Mockingbird". It was fun to be close and watch a fav movie. We will see what tomorrow brings..........halleluijah.

Thanksgiving at Straub...

Even though Rich was at Straub yesterday we spent some time with him. Two days prior we had pretty good hopes that he would be home for this wonderful holiday so we planned a 'good dinner'. Rich's tummy is still distended and yesterday he had a light fever. His white blood cell count was up so the doc ordered a ct.  I was there when he started the ct scan 'bug juice'. The ct scan showed an inflammation in his colon. A chest x ray showed inflammation in his chest. He is getting new antibiotics to combat these. The hope is to be home today. It's early now 5:27 am to be precise and we shall see how this day plays out. Suz and I are going to look for the 'tallest' tree we can find in Mililani. Sam will come by with the pickup and bring tall tree home. Christmas trees sell out fast in Hawaii. You have several days to find one then it's artificial only. We have always had a real tree and we do want one up before Rich gets home. He LOVES Christmas trees, especially with ice cycles on them. Our trip to Vegas is Dec 12-17. We want to make this trip for sure! Vegas is so lovely this time of the year ...with the lights.

I want to add that this was Suzanna's first time to put a turkey in the oven, make from scratch oatmeal rolls, make a fresh cranberry salad, prepare the veggies for grilling, make the gravy and mashed potatoes. Andrew and Susanne did most of the clean up and made killer brownies for dessert......who are these people? It was awesome to witness. I am so GRATEFUL. Andrew and Susanne stopped on the way home to see Rich. He is so lonesome there. We go as frequently  as we can but it is not enough. dang it. Kurt has been the faithful friend who daily visits for several hours. Lord, bless this man a hundred fold for his kindness to my husband.

Up in the Air

We are hoping Rich is home for Turkey day but he has a sensitive tummy. Doc checked him over with an  x ray and his pluming is 'Normal'. A distended stomach feels weird and this guy has not eaten in over a week. Ah........Suz is at the hospital now...it would be lovely to have her bring her dad home for turkey (broth) :) Back to work.........it keeps me 'functional'.

Another night at Straub Hospital

Grandma took the news of Rich's illness fairly well. Rich will call her in a few days to see how she is doing. This is a good thing for all of us. We don't want Grandma stressing out over something she can't fix. 
Rich may be home tomorrow. He is eating jello and soups and cream of wheat. Hopefully they will bump up the foods and get him d/c'. Suz is preparing some very special stuffing and mashed potatoes that he can eat and feel good about. Andrew is bringing some friends so that should be fun. Of course the Reyes' will be with us and that is about it. I asked Dr. Kim if she thought we could do the Vegas trip in December. She thought if Rich is feeling strong and eating,,,,,,,sure. Good. I hope we can.

Important Day

Today Rich's sister and brother are going to Seward to tell his mother what's going on with him. Rich was going to tell her last month but had a check about telling her. How sad all this is..and it is one more thing to carry. She will want to see him, of course, but at 92 years, she can not come alone. The family will figure that out. Rich looks very good, very healthy in-spite of this tumor. His eyes are wide open and he is at the 'normal' weight he should be. He is spending hours in the Word and prayer. We are planning a good simple Thanksgiving Dinner. No white foods or sugar. Thanks for prayers today. Please be praying for Genevieve, his mother. What a hard thing to hear of your son.

The Holy Gas

Great news........the Holy Gas started today around 9 am. Doc will move through the food sequence......Rich should be eating organic potatoes at home by Wednesday. Yeah!!! Thank you for your many prayers on this matter. God certainly has a sense of humor. Rich had quite an audience for his 'toot'. He was walking by the nursing station when it squeaked out loud and clear. 

Alive and Well

Six weeks since this craziness started, and it hasn't felt like a day has gone by without tons of news and decisions and tears. Until a couple weeks ago, when everything seemed to explicitly settle down. Less phone calls, letters, and other constant reminders flooded in.

This silence has let things hit in a new way. A focus on the already abundant decisions, a questioning of and searching for Faith, more time to research healing therapies and foods and regimens. Even with this break in constant news, my mind keeps spinning.

I wish I could consciously give it a rest. But I can't. I have to choose to at least meditate on the most joyous things possible, like sweet, sweet love. I've felt it so much through letters and emails and hugs. I feel it especially now that I'm with my family again. A lot of the frustration has disappeared now that I'm where I need to be. I've started to play the guitar and write letters and cook and dance and have long funny talks with my Mom. I can feel my soul start to unravel and breath. And being with my Dad brings peace. He just has a way about him, you feel calm in his presence. You don't want to yell and argue and fight. You just want to watch Lawrence of Arabia and take a nap and talk about all the different kinds of dogs there are. Speaking of my dad, he looks great, is up and walking, hopefully we will get him home tomorrow or Sunday. So lets focus on that today. That he looks like his usual self, minus a tube coming out of his nose. Lets enjoy that he is alive and well this beautiful day, I think thats really all we can do.

I have't been diligent to write, school was unceasingly demanding for a few weeks and my processing and coping took a break. But I just want to take a quick minute to thank everyone who has been there to listen to me cry, hold my hand, buy me a beer, given me a huge hug, took me to the airport, given me a cookie, done extra stuff in a school assignment, or just asked how everything is going. You mean so much to me. I could not be home or sane without you. I love you.

More soon. Xoxoxoxo!
Suz

Looking Good

Suz is home now and I may co erst her to start writing in the blogger. Words can not describe how lovely she is and what an important member of the family she is to us. Rich finally got some real pain management and was in good spirits yesterday. He started walking .......two times and his gait was more balanced and coordinated the second time around. Got  to wake up the body.We try to 'bathe' him once a day with the big wipes and shower cap thingy. Today we are going to do the shave......and put on after shave (Jovan Musk of course),  We are still waiting for the HF (holy fart) and are starting to bet when that will happen. Sheila put her bid in early. Rich's stomach output has dramatically slowed down and is usually very clear. All good stuff. Suz has been checking the stomach and there is lots of rumbling all over the tum tum. Doc said 3-6 days so we are hoping for Saturday.

Suz got a copy of his chart and that will be something she can address. I have comfort with his team of doctors. They are trying to get him strong enough for the first hit of chemo. It's been a frustrating tap dance here and I am seeing the integral part each team member plays. They see him as a person and not a bed assignment. Grateful. We stay as later as we want, laugh loudly and kiss frequently. Another day.

SUCCESS

Yesterday the bypass and port were done with no complications. Dang, it was so good to have something go right. Rich looked good after the sx and was making jokes with cousin Patty. He and Patty go way back and have such admiration for each other's fathers. I'm so glad she is here. After visiting Rich for awhile Andrew, Suz and I took her to Bucca di Bippo for some fine Italian food. Dr. Maldini would have liked the stuff we ordered. It was fun to celebrate this day. God knows what we needed, and we needed for this to happen. Now Rich needs to pass some gas and he can come home. Doc said it would take 3-6 days for this to happen. We are praying for 2 days. Sheila Harris is praying for the 'Holy Fart'. Yes, I say Amen, Amen. Suz got in last night at 5:15. It was difficult for her to see Rich stuck in a hospital bed....but he was in good spirits. Somehow things seem so 'good' again. We are all home, laughing and probably do some crying together soon. Good day!

Plan B

Cousin Patty arrived around 9:30. Got to Straub around 10:30--traffic is always crazy in town. The procedure they wanted to do for Rich-to place a stent into his duodenum to relieve the pressure in his stomach-they were unable to do. There was too much food particles and the proximity of the stent Queen's place was too close. The doc said it was too dangerous for perforation. So later that afternoon Dr. Maldini came in to tell us plan B. Place a bipass from the stomach to the jejunum. (above and below the blockage). Dr. Maldini reemphasized that chemo can not begin until Rich was eating and feeling 'relatively good'. Rich was tired after the procedure but was feeling better later last night. 

Dr. Maldini will do the bipass today if Rich is looking good/strong. Hopefully this can be done today. Rich will need several days to rest before coming home.  Suz arrived in Honolulu at 5:15. Good. 

I think as a family we are just ready to be off this merry-go-round. Of course we can not. Trusting Jesus for the day. Thank you for the prayers going out to our family, especially Rich. One day at a time. 

Non sequitur

People are rangy creatures. On one hand, we can land robots on Mars, juggle bowling pins, invent electron microscopes, dive in front of bullets, and write "Wish You Were Here". On the other hand, we can engineer space shuttles that explode seconds after taking off, train child soldiers, and use voodoo dolls to enact revenge.

Living in America, it's easy to assume that medical proclamations coming from professionals in the field would be roughly identical, so when doctors at Johns Hopkins say "stage IV", I don't expect a veteran surgeon at Straub to lightheartedly question their diagnosis, noting that the tissue on the liver doesn't look to be cancerous. Maybe this is just due to different professionals having different opinions on how much optimism to instill in patients, but it creates a dangerous, floating notion of false hope. I've found that trying to sustain a questionable hope is stressful enough that I've reversed the proverb and have allowed hope to die first. When a biopsy quickly overturned the suggestion that the tumor may not have metastasized, I didn't have to temper any beliefs. What I'm afraid of is that others might cling to hope until the end, when abandoning it will be a much uglier process. 

For now, the healthiest mindset seems to be living life one day at a time, aware of the situation but not getting caught up in predictions of where we'll be several months from now. Unfortunately, I can't help but getting caught up in where we thought we'd be now. Step 1) Get cancer. Step 2) Get chemo. Right? Wrong. The behind-the-scenes theatrics of a body in disrepair, as it turns out, can create a frustrating chain of maladies that keeps chemo therapy one step ahead of us. Yet another assumption I had was that when a sane human was instructed by doctors that certain foods would make his malignant tumor bigger and certain foods could make it smaller, that person's diet would damn well not cross into the tumor-augmenting list. Watching bread crumbs being dumped onto chicken while my dad vows that he's allowed to eat like this irks me in the moment, but later evokes fury and profound depression as I remind myself of the prognosis. But what's causing these surges of negativity is probably not that chemo is elusive or that dad is lying to himself about his adherence to his diet, but that it may not matter either way. Not being able to properly accept why I feel miserable leads to me being so irate at the Steelers' poor performance against the Chiefs that I have to leave the room. A 40+ coworker dropping a "that's what she said" into a conversation will cripple me with vitriolic disgust. I have lost my capacity to fake a laugh at one my bosses' lame jokes.

And I just wrote a thoroughly egocentric entry on a blog that's supposed to be about someone else with cancer. s'good times.

I am not proofreading this.

Thank you.

Andrew

Cousin Patty is coming to town..yeah.

After a bloated weekend Rich went to the ER yesterday morning around 4 am. His tummy wasn't getting better and he wanted to find out why. As I was getting up to go with him, he said he wanted to go by himself. So I met him a few hours later at Straub ER with a 'hose in his nose'. Ah, the CT scan showed that the tumor was blocking his duodenum and so most of the food he has been eating for the past few days was still in his tummy. Now what?? Today at 1:30 they will be performing an EGD. You should see what these initials stand for.......Kurt looked it up, I think it's 26 letters. It is a stent put into the duodenum. The other stent is holding up nicely so lets hope this one does as well. Our nurse asked us about 'advance directives'. We talked about it a long time ago but now is the time to put it on paper.

Sunday night we went to see "Skyfall" with Andrew and his girlfriend Susanne. Rich just wasn't feeling good and was tired of not feeling good. Even 007 could not make the discomfort go away. Cousin Patty comes in today at 9 am. Good.This is one of Rich's favorite cousins who lives in Southern California. She and her brother Jimmy could make a comedy sitcom. Good times with those visits to California. Thanks for coming Patty. I baked you banana bread this morning.......hope you like walnuts and cranberries. Chemo will be put off till next week... once again.

Yet another night at Straub

Today Rich got his gallbladder out! Dr. Maldini was able to do it quickly by  laparoscopic. He also was able to biopsy questionable spots on Rich's liver. Pathology report to follow.Rich is in a lot of pain right now but he should be feeling ok by tomorrow. Doc said he may be home as soon as the late morning. Andrew and I kept vigil tonight. 

Our house looks normal after the tenting. No big piles of termites anywhere. The cat survived in the back yard. We had a lovely evening with Charmaine and her two pups. We shall see what tomorrow brings.
Good night!

Happy '60' Birthday Rich!

It was a small intimate birthday gathering. Aimee had clinicals' and couldn't be there, Diane was not feeling well and Kurt took the pics. Just sushi, banana cake, watermelon and a tort cake. These are some of the people who emotionally take care of us. We are so grateful for all they do....keeping us semi normal. We had a great weekend with Andrew and his girlfriend Susanne. Stan and Carlo were here with functional helps~Stan is doing some carpentry work in the bathroom and Carlo and Andrew attacked the backyard 'green wall'. These trees grow amazing fast and only 18 months ago Carlo trimmed them. To watch them was like watching a Tarzan movie, they moved back and forth on the top branches. Wow. Rich was amazed to see how quickly they moved.

Rich's stomach has not 'been right' for awhile. The surgeon said if things got uncomfortable they would take the gallbladder out. Today will be that day. Rich weighed in at 182. The macrobiotic diet has little to no fat and no red meat so Rich is very lean now. Rich is going in for a doc appt with the surgeon at 10 today. Dr. Muldini will make a decision on what to do with that gallbladder..........yeah. Rich is tired of having food sit in his stomach. 

Suz will be home in a week. I had a lovely idea that we should find the tallest tree for Christmas. We have a 24 foot peak in our house and what fun that would be to fill that space! I think our children could find such a tree. Rich has always loved a big fluffy tree. 

Today we get out house tented. No more bugs for awhile. Goodbye termites!!!

Hey........the boss is home.....we are all so happy. Not sure when his chemo starts but his birthday is Monday so do call him. I had visions of champagne at the Opera House but we are doing plan B: Green Tea on the veranda. 

Rich continues to keep normal temps and has good energy for a guy who has been locked up for five days. Today I was given a little practical session on how to administer the antibiotic through the picc line. Wow...so many little steps and much wiping with alcohol. Overall, I think we did ok. Rich needs another day in the hospital to eat more solid foods then he should be home on Wednesday. Yeah.

I think the plan is to have chemo within the next week and see how the tumor looks after that. The antibiotics will run for 4 weeks. Good. Suz is ready to join the rest of us.....it will be a nice reunion.

Dr. Maldini

Today was a good day. Rich met with the surgeon Dr. Maldini, this guy is from Italy and has a real personality). He read the CT scan a little different than the rest and is very proactive in development treatment. I didn't meet this doc but one of his young padawan learners, Dr. Lu. She showed me the CT scan Straub did and it was amazing to see it from start to finish. They have a refreshing attitude. wow. 

 Rich may be coming home by Tuesday. I will be on board to give  him IV antibiotics so he doesn't have to run to the hospital every day. The infection control doc is probably going to keep Rich on an antibiotic for four weeks. If he doesn't get an infection the first week home we can start chemo. If the tumor shrinks Dr. Maldini will/can do the Whipple procedure if it's small enough. The gallbladder is very inflamed. They don't want to do two surgeries due to adhesion issues so they are looking at ways to keep the gallbladder 'happy'. Rich is on a clear liquid diet and very hungry. There is another procedure to relieve pressure off the gallbladder...basically putting a drainage tube in the gallbladder and out of the body. Worst case scenario they will just take out the gallbladder. Rich is in excellent spirits, physically moving and just wants to eat!

Thanks for all your prayers.......it's an Army of believers asking for the miracle. Amen.

The trip to Australia is going to be rescheduled. I am cancelling all the old stuff and will reschedule when we can go. Our train pass is good for three months so............I am believing we will make it before that date.

Still at Straub

When I got to Straub yesterday, Diana was already there with lots of updates. wow. The docs found a blockage in Rich's gall bladder, which appeared to be the source of the infection. They said they would make a decision to remove the whole gall bladder or just the block part and surgery would be today or tomorrow. Nothing happened. Finally, around 6 pm we asked the nurse to see what was the follow up of that conversation. The doc's notes said that Rich would have a consult with the surgeon tomorrow.  Rich is receiving round the clock antibiotics and feels good, looks good. Andrew and Suzanne were there in the late afternoon. They have been faithful visitors. Creighton also blessed Rich with a visit. There was an opportunity to pray with one of the nurses.

I had truly hoped we would be in Australia for his 60th birthday. We have tickets for Nov. 1st but if he isn't d/c' from Straub and clear of this infection........we will have to do a Hawaiian party instead. Bummer.

Another day at Straub

Rich has developed a blood infection. We all guessed this was from the insertion of his new picc line. Thursday around noon our fav nurse, Tracey, called Rich to tell him to get to the hospital immediately as he has this infection. Kurt came to see Rich the same time I did and the Lord put it on our heart to ask for all that we wanted from Him. We started with the usual stuff like" remove the picc line and kill the cancer" then Kurt started to ask for new knees, eyes, etc. Cool........have it all. 

The good new, around 3 they removed the picc line. The CT scan did not show any conclusive evidence of where this infection started. We are praying for strength for Rich and now that his body isn't being compromised, it should happen fast. The infection control doc came by yesterday and told him that going to Australia isn't a good idea.  He claimed his healing. Walking it out is the hard part. Straub wants to keep a close eye on him to see if this infection grows, dies, whatevers. I see him so stuck there. Fortunately he has WiFi and can entertain himself with his Ipad. I am doing a little yard work this morning (Saturday the 27th) for the tenting next week and then will spend the day with him. Andrew spends his evenings with his dad. This guy has matured to be a man. It's amazing to see him and his decision making. Wow. Suz will be back on island Nov. 14th. How sweet that will be for all of us but especially for Rich.

Piss and Fury

I think we can all agree when hours are spent in automobiles really good talks happen. The radio gets boring as does the scenery, and stuff gets real.

One of the best things my father has ever told me is that I, like him when he was in his 20's, am full of piss & vinegar. Isn't that so great? It is the most appropriate wording ever.

I'm Mad. At. Everything. I hate injustice, ignorance, closed mindedness, Democrats and Republicans and I'm going to tell you allllllllll about it.

My sweet Papa has always been wise. I give him so much crap, but I know he is one of the most thoughtful and insightful men I know. He speaks into my life so clearly it blows me away. I haven't, however, always felt like he has related to me much. I suppose this is normal, as there is a nearly 40 year age gap between us and he is male. But in that magic moment, I felt like he just GOT IT. Which is such a good feeling, you know?

Today, I am not full so much of vinegar as utter fury. Scream at the top of your lungs punch the floor until your fists bled fury.

I know there are competent medical workers in the state of Hawaii, but Richard Stercho has not been treated by many. A hugely misread CT scan, endless poor/lagging/unapologetically bad treatment, and now, bacteremia. BACTEREMIA. He needed more things trying to kill him, right? Not that this is necessarily all their fault (the infection could have come from his gut), but I'm just pissed. Pissed and vinegared.

So now, chemo and Australia are up in the air, and I feel like the idiot daughter who stayed in school and is a helplessly 3500 miles away.

I thought this whole mess would just be sad. I never imagined it would be so hard to manage and make decisions about; or so exhausting and frustrating. I thought we would make a plan and it would go off without a hitch. But cancer, like humans, always surprise you.

So there you have it, today was the pits. In the midst of it all though, he keeps trusting and hoping and smiling.

And also. This exists. So. I can't be mad for too long.

Suz

It was the night before chemo and all through the house...

We had a rough night last night. When I got home I saw Aimee getting Rich into the car to take him to ER. He had a fever, chills, clammy skin, and sever stomach pains. That was about 6:30. Aimee came with us to Pali Momi and what a God send that was! We did need a w/c for Rich at the ER, so Aimee could park the car while we registered. The staff were impressive. Because of the level of pain, Rich did not have to wait long to see a doc. Weird part is all the testing came back 'normal'. Not sure what that was all about. Blood, EKG, and Xray were good. We were home by ten and pretty much fell into bed. Rich felt better about 30 minutes after we got to ER.

Tomorrow is our big day. Looking forward to starting this process. Rich is very uncertain about the effects of the chemo but is ready to get started. We got this diagnosis Oct 1st. It seems like years have passed before our eyes. Lord, we are trusting in you for all of it......amen.

First visit with Straub Oncologist

Yesterday was a big day. We had a 9:30 appointment with the doc. Long story short, they are doing everything to help us get some chemo and make that flight to Australia Nov 1st. At first they wanted us to postpone our trip but our gut reactions was to go....so an angel appeared by the name of Tracie. She is a tall haolie supervisor nurse who talks fast and works fast. Awesome. She sat us down and went over everything from how this cocktail of folfirinox works and all the side affects. How chemo is scheduled and what to do if... Doc would like a pet scan before treatment begins if time allows. First chemo starts on Thursday at Pali Momi. So grateful they could do it there. Six hours there then we come home with a fanny pack full of chemo and the treatment continues at home. On Sat Rich goes back to Pali Momi, they take the fanny pack and we will do this again after we get home. No time to insert a port but for now put a picc line was placed in Rich's arm to administer the chemo. Rich went shopping at Whole Foods for some organic greens and I went to work. To bed by 9:30.

 Rich is still sleeping and I don't plan on waking him up anytime soon. The doc is giving him a booster shot the Sunday before we leave as to help his immune system for our trip. 

Our trip will be simple. A few days at Sydney to do the tourist stuff, then to catch a train for Ayers Rock. No need to see the beaches, we have our own thank you. We have pretty good train passes so as time allows, we will see what we can.

From Margie:
Rich got home Thursday night...10-18. He had good energy for a guy who was up for 20 hrs or so. Rich has been getting good rest, we are working on the macrobiotic diet and finding good organic things we need, and getting back to routine stuff he likes to do. Tomorrow we meet the Oncologist at Straub Hospital. We are praying that there are no issues following the directives from  JHH and that he can start chemo in a relatively quick period. We have alot to learn. But we have such a 'cloud of witnesses' surrounding us, helping us, encouraging us. In this we give thanks. Jesus is so concerned with our relationships. Especially those in the body of Christ. We are committed to make the most of those relationships we see face to face every day.

We fly 'out of here' Nov 1-15. It will be a real relaxing time and so good for both of us. Our days are busy, maybe too busy. Rich is at church now ministering with the prayer team. I am waiting for Carlo to come and trim the kukui tree in the front yard. The word I felt the Lord give me was to 'make all things new'........so I am painting, clipping, whatevers to bring life to this house. The termite guy will be selected soon so out with the critters!! The roof will come next but one adventure at a time!
ttyl

A Day In The Life

Having a morbid sense of humor is a very effective way to cope with stress and tragedy. For some people. The only problem is that other, saner people will hear you and assume you're a terrible person because "What decent person would make jokes about metastasized cancer?"

The average life expectancy on this planet since people were invented has been, well, I'm not sure, but certainly no higher than 40. To have survived childbirth, made it through your toddler years, completed all of your schooling without being claimed by the Black Plague or syphilis or something equally menacing like strep throat, then having married, conceived and raised two children (who also successfully evaded the Plague (so far)), moved 5,000 miles to a winter-free paradise and traveled around the world is a phenomenally impressive and lucky run for a puny human.

Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die, because life has a lot of fun moments that can still be found when people are reminded of life's brevity. I'm going to die regardless of whether or not a truck runs over me tomorrow or a honey badger mauls me in my sleep. Just because dad might not be around for long doesn't mean that we can't sit around mindlessly watching college football or that I have to feel guilty yelling at him for spoiling another Law and Order ending. He's been a spectacular husband, father and person, and he deserves to laugh and have fun times with the people he enjoys. Being gloomy around people who need to feel love is selfish, so why not have a laugh about Ted the Tumor? (Yes, it has a name. And its name has alliteration.)

On the other hand, if anyone sees him eating french fries, breaded chicken, or cheese sticks, slap it out of his hand and tell him that an angel dies every time he eats consumes preservatives.

Daddy-Daughter Adventure Week

As soon as I got back to school I realized the immense amount of work I have before me, so I'm not going to write too much. I mostly just want to share a few images of our trip.

It was a magic time of suspended reality. There weren't many tears, we just played in big cities and forget everything that was going on for awhile.

So here we go, our little adventure.

Outside in Easton, MD

At the beloved Claudio's in Philadelphia

Some of the Haas clan in Philly

In the town my parents first lived in when they were married

The property I was born on, there used to be a house attached to that garage

My sweet Aunt's surprised my dad

Heading up to the lake

Current favorite picture ever!!

The Malones

Johns Hopkins Jesus. People write notes and leave flowers at his feet

He was so over photos. In the Smithsonian at the butterfly exhibit

The Washington Monument

He taught me to be a drum major for justice. Love this man. 

Hello Honolulu

Just got a flight for Rich on Thursday. We are having JHH fax over his records to a local oncologist to review. Hopefully this doc can pickup Rich as a patient. Rich had another great day in DC. Such sweet memories. 

I'm keeping the blue......you guys can pick out different colors. 
good night sweet friends/family.

Rich had his blood test at JH yesterday. His bilirubin is in the 'normal' range so now he can start chemo. Thank you for the prayer. This was a huge issue for us because if the bilirubin was high, he would need another procedure ...taking up more time. When he finds a doc in Honolulu he will be good to go. Suz and Rich have much to write on their adventures ...and the Lord knows, they have had plenty so I will not address those things. Rich is feeling so good. His sides do not hurt anymore and he continues with good sleep, eat, etc etc. We are praying on how to tell his mom what's going on. Please pray with us. He could easily stop by and tell her, but he needs to come home and find a doc who can work with the JH docs.  I hope the next entry comes from the East Coast.

Greetings From the East

After an incredibly stressful airport experience (you bet I cried to a pilot to try to get on a flight), I got to my Papa. And I cried and cried some more. I realized how much of the sadness and frustration I've been feeling was just being away from him. He is in fact, in great spirits. He looks good, he has some pep, he is eating more nutritiously than normal and trying to sleep more. We talked a lot about what happens next, dropping out of school, Australia, Las Vegas, living and dying. The whole she-bang.

I spent all my food and gas money on a fancy camera and it was TOTALLY worth it (but feel free to give me food and gas). I filmed so many great stories and captured so many Papa quirks. And got some beautiful pictures. I'll post um when we get to our perspective homes.

We traveled through our lives. We transversed Pennsylvania, shared our love for cheese and bridges, and laughed our asses off along the way. We talked about how much things have changed, what these places we used to love so much mean to us now. We talked about marriage and important things in life and how to treat people. What makes him happy and sad about how he raised us, what should have been done differently. I learned a lot. About him and about myself and how to be a good human in general.

So many beautiful moments with beautiful people filled this little trip. More on that in a later blog.

We came to some decisions and still have some to come up with. Here we go.

He does treatment, and we start ASAP. A round before my parents leave for Australia hopefully. We need to find an oncologist in Hawaii who is willing to go along with the plan that my family/ the team at Hopkins agree upon.

I'm gonna stay in school. We are all split up right now but thats just how it is. I got some time with him, my brother gets time with him, my Mom gets Australia with him. I come home for Thanksgiving, and we meet in Vegas in December. It all works out. If the plan needs to change, it will.

We will hope for the best and trust God even if it is the worst. Whatever happens, we are ready to accept it.

Tomorrow we explore Washington DC, we made that plan about 20 minutes ago. Living in the moment and eating all the sharp provolone on earth. That's the Stercho way.

Suz

P.S. My Dad still hasn't told his Mom what's up, he has to decided when and how. So keep that under wraps please!

Suzanna wants to write about their adventure today so I will only say, they sound like they had a good time. 

Everyone at church asked about Rich and were very loving when asking. I wasn't feeling weird or overwhelmed. The prayer support has been awesome. Sosososososo grateful. Thanks to you all. i hope Suz can put some of her pictures in this blog. PA is very colorful this time of the year!

From the Man Himself

Well, Suz wants me to write something.  This is Rich, the one with the healed C word.  I’ve been praying against this thing, and I have had so many people praying for me that I truly feel to call this thing something that is dead and gone, even though it may still look alive.  Anyway, I’m here at my nephews house in Easton, MD, on the Eastern shore of Maryland, which is in striking distance of  Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, the best hospital in the USA when it comes to dealing with pancreatic cancer.  And I’m feeling pretty darned good, actually.  Loads of energy, lots of zip and a truly raging appetite.  But my daughter has me so limited in terms of what to eat.  I am doing my best to eat lots of fruits and vegetables to combat the disease, so  I am learning to eat smoothies made of unappetizing veggies.  But actually, I have been eating certain veggies all along anyway.  Spinach, beets, broccoli, kale, which we’ve long ago started growing in our garden, are going into our smoothies.  I’m committed to eating healthy, and completely changing my diet.  

My friends on the prayer team at New Hope, Mililani have been praying on my behalf and have been covering me and my family in prayer for a while.  They started about a month ago, when my lower GI symptoms began to occur.  My friend Esa had the word ‘Pancreatic Cancer’ about two weeks before it was diagnosed, but she was just too shy to tell me.  Instead, in the presence of everyone else, she just said she had the word ‘pancreas’. It was just too hard to give me that word, and she apologized.  But the Lord also said ‘I will heal him’.  So that and a lot of other things, have my faith high.  So many people have received words about the illness, and clearly the Lord wants to heal it.  A friend of my friend Gary Abbott in Missouri who has a healing ministry has twice called me to pray.  He has miracles when he simply prays for people over the phone. 

Anyway, Suz has flown into Baltimore last night, Thursday, 10-11-12, and we’ve rented a car and will be driving up to Philly for a fun day.  Bear Creek possibly too.  Then Monday back for a blood test.  That will determine the future of treatment, but I’m already healed in the Spirit.   I truly believe I will receive a complete manifestation of healing.  Anyway, pray for me, family and especially my mom, whom I’m going to have to call and visit with.  I’m hoping my brother can join me.  Thanks for your prayers.  More to come later. 

Suz and Rich will have a good weekend adventure in PA. They aren't sure what they will do, they don't care. Good.I skyped with Rich this morning and he looks good... eat, sleep, emotions are all good. Stacie told us he can get a blood test from anywhere as they can faxed the results to JH. That will free up the road trip a bit Suz and Rich.

Thinking of Andrew this morning. He has grown to be quite a lovely man. Sensitive, funny, caring. He wants to know when Dad will be back. We all have that same question. Stacie thinks it would be safer for Rich to do his treatment here as there would be no airplanes and huge emotional support system. We see how that blood test comes out on Monday.
thanks.....

What a special day this is for Rich. Suzanna flew to Baltimore to spend some time with him. They are going on a road trip to Philly and maybe even the Poconos. Where ever is good. I had a special night too. Two sweet sisters came and brought dinner. Mona and Esa have become so very special to Rich.....not to mention the other members in the prayer team like Kurt, Diana, etc etc. It's a wonderful thing to be real with people. Rich has a beautiful relationship with this special team. Only God can orchestrate something so lovely. It was wonderful fellowship, just right.

Well Suz........have fun with Dad this weekend. You guys should be eating Gino's or Pat's Steaks soon. I will try to NOT be envious. Good night ......sweet friends.

We went to Africa in September 2010. It was an amazing moment as we got to see our daughter working on the mission field. Wow. It is so delightful to have adult children. We have always loved them but something special happens when they mature......you see fruitful lives and adventures and decisions. We are very proud of our kids in that they pursue life in good ways.

Rich will stay in Baltimore for a week. On Monday he will have a blood test to check his bilirubin levels. If it is normal they can start chemo right away. If not, they will want to do a procedure to place another stent in that area to help it drain better. Right now Stacie and Rich are checking out clinical trials in certain states. Rich wants the most proactive approach he can get. He also has committed to change his diet so that is wonderful. Eating organic foods and letting his body rest in digestion. He is in a win win situation. As a Christian.....we are going to live forever with Christ. So pray that the Lord shows them the best place to go. I don't mind having a Chemo Deployment for awhile. My military families have deployments all the time so..I can do one too.

We (Rich, Andrew and I) had a time this past Saturday at the golf range...shooting at the driving range. I have not tried this in 39 years. It was so bad that I never wanted to repeat it. Andrew did well, Rich did well and I got better. He was so happy to be together at the range. Kurt would have laughed at us big time. We were aiming for the guy driving the buggy picking up balls.

We leave in 21 days for Australia. I know God has specific adventures for us there. It will be a time of grace. Deep joy, sweet moments, laughter. I am trying to get excited for it all. We have another trip planned in Dec for Las Vegas. We won that one.......as a Lucky 7 team in the Great Aloha Run. God is so good, He gives us stuff we never deserve. We don't 'deserve' these vacations but He has given them to us. Wow, how cool is that.

Love you guys.......I can not say this enough....we FEEL your prayers. Awesome!!!

A Matter of Months, Feeling Insane, and Family

The reality is, sans a miracle (which is deeply hoped for), this man (seen here in his uniform of a tank top and short athletic shorts) will only be on this earth 3-6 months longer. That is what they predict with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Isn't that sad? Really. Isn't the normal response to this to cry a lot and be sad?  And maybe hug people too long and cry in your bathtub? Apparently not. As seen by my father comforting me and telling me to be at peace. As I sob into oblivion, he reminds me everything will be okay in the end. That I am too sad.

What? 

Luckily, everyone else has been crying with me proving that he is abnormally zen. He trusts. He hopes. No matter what the outcome. He is so damn admirable and amazing. I am so excited I get to hug him in a matter of days! Thats right! I'm getting out of the confusing weather wonderland that is Colorado, and following my Papa wherever he goes. If he has months, I am going to be in them. I love school, and it will be here whenever I am ready to come back. He just means infinitely more than tests or projects or money.

Which brings me to my last point, a highly emotional one. Family. I love my nuclear family and they mean the world to me. Father mother brother sister. Stable important people that have always been there. But honestly, I have never really gotten extended family. I have always dreaded the conversations I have had with serious boyfriends about family stuff. I would always just shrug. I never grew up around my aunts and uncles and cousins. A couple times a year, tops. I didn't get it.

But I get it now. I get that family really takes care of each other when they need it and is always there. My incredibly brilliant Aunt Stacie has taken it upon herself to be with my Dad through the whole experience at Johns Hopkins. Where he would have been painfully alone, she drove from Georgia (Google Map that, it ain't pretty) to be with him through every appointment. AND she has also become insanely aware of his specific disease pathophysiology and prognosis, ANNNNNNND she has kept me entirely informed (like, minute by minute which is keeping me sane). Some family is weird and argumentative. But some family is Aunt Stacie. Reliable and awesome. 

We are also all taking joy in the little things. Like some lady paying for my dad to be in the sky lounge on his flight to Baltimore. Or my Mom's awesome boss. Or the one Asian child in all of Fort Collins smiling and waving at me at the end of my run yesterday. Sweet Yahweh loves us. Even if we can only see it in the small stuff right now.  

Love,

Suz

My friend Aimee stayed with me while we Skype with Rich, Stacie and the JH doc's . First came the surgeon, then the oncologist.

We are not going to Baltimore. The tumor is too big and has spread to 4 areas in the liver. Interesting enough the CT scan at Queens was not this clear. They are calling it Stage 4 and recommending chemo. The surgeon said that the operation would not change the outlook and would be dangerous to operate. Then the oncologist came on and gave his thoughts about chemo. I am leaving that up to Rich to decide. My thoughts are I want him home with friends, family, and church support. But it's not my life and I get it.

There are clinical trials that may be appropriately later. Right now Rich's status is not suitable for most of the trials out there. Rich's initial reaction is so good....his text read "hey, it looks like it's confined to only two areas". Right on.

We definitely need a miracle........and that's ok. We always pray for the Lord's will to be done and we can rest in Him.  We will continue with a grateful heart, and expecting all that He has for us.

I will Skype with Rich at noon (in an hour) and he will tell me his game plan. He may be staying for a week to  see how his blood work looks. The doc felt we should do our scheduled vacations and let the chemo revolve around them. Amen, I agree with that.

Thanks to all for you kind words, prayers (we really do feel the peace).

Later, gator.