Alive and Well

Six weeks since this craziness started, and it hasn't felt like a day has gone by without tons of news and decisions and tears. Until a couple weeks ago, when everything seemed to explicitly settle down. Less phone calls, letters, and other constant reminders flooded in.

This silence has let things hit in a new way. A focus on the already abundant decisions, a questioning of and searching for Faith, more time to research healing therapies and foods and regimens. Even with this break in constant news, my mind keeps spinning.

I wish I could consciously give it a rest. But I can't. I have to choose to at least meditate on the most joyous things possible, like sweet, sweet love. I've felt it so much through letters and emails and hugs. I feel it especially now that I'm with my family again. A lot of the frustration has disappeared now that I'm where I need to be. I've started to play the guitar and write letters and cook and dance and have long funny talks with my Mom. I can feel my soul start to unravel and breath. And being with my Dad brings peace. He just has a way about him, you feel calm in his presence. You don't want to yell and argue and fight. You just want to watch Lawrence of Arabia and take a nap and talk about all the different kinds of dogs there are. Speaking of my dad, he looks great, is up and walking, hopefully we will get him home tomorrow or Sunday. So lets focus on that today. That he looks like his usual self, minus a tube coming out of his nose. Lets enjoy that he is alive and well this beautiful day, I think thats really all we can do.

I have't been diligent to write, school was unceasingly demanding for a few weeks and my processing and coping took a break. But I just want to take a quick minute to thank everyone who has been there to listen to me cry, hold my hand, buy me a beer, given me a huge hug, took me to the airport, given me a cookie, done extra stuff in a school assignment, or just asked how everything is going. You mean so much to me. I could not be home or sane without you. I love you.

More soon. Xoxoxoxo!
Suz