One of the best things my father has ever told me is that I, like him when he was in his 20's, am full of piss & vinegar. Isn't that so great? It is the most appropriate wording ever.
I'm Mad. At. Everything. I hate injustice, ignorance, closed mindedness, Democrats and Republicans and I'm going to tell you allllllllll about it.
My sweet Papa has always been wise. I give him so much crap, but I know he is one of the most thoughtful and insightful men I know. He speaks into my life so clearly it blows me away. I haven't, however, always felt like he has related to me much. I suppose this is normal, as there is a nearly 40 year age gap between us and he is male. But in that magic moment, I felt like he just GOT IT. Which is such a good feeling, you know?
Today, I am not full so much of vinegar as utter fury. Scream at the top of your lungs punch the floor until your fists bled fury.
I know there are competent medical workers in the state of Hawaii, but Richard Stercho has not been treated by many. A hugely misread CT scan, endless poor/lagging/unapologetically bad treatment, and now, bacteremia. BACTEREMIA. He needed more things trying to kill him, right? Not that this is necessarily all their fault (the infection could have come from his gut), but I'm just pissed. Pissed and vinegared.
So now, chemo and Australia are up in the air, and I feel like the idiot daughter who stayed in school and is a helplessly 3500 miles away.
I thought this whole mess would just be sad. I never imagined it would be so hard to manage and make decisions about; or so exhausting and frustrating. I thought we would make a plan and it would go off without a hitch. But cancer, like humans, always surprise you.
So there you have it, today was the pits. In the midst of it all though, he keeps trusting and hoping and smiling.
And also. This exists. So. I can't be mad for too long.
Suz
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