A Matter of Months, Feeling Insane, and Family

The reality is, sans a miracle (which is deeply hoped for), this man (seen here in his uniform of a tank top and short athletic shorts) will only be on this earth 3-6 months longer. That is what they predict with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Isn't that sad? Really. Isn't the normal response to this to cry a lot and be sad?  And maybe hug people too long and cry in your bathtub? Apparently not. As seen by my father comforting me and telling me to be at peace. As I sob into oblivion, he reminds me everything will be okay in the end. That I am too sad.

What? 

Luckily, everyone else has been crying with me proving that he is abnormally zen. He trusts. He hopes. No matter what the outcome. He is so damn admirable and amazing. I am so excited I get to hug him in a matter of days! Thats right! I'm getting out of the confusing weather wonderland that is Colorado, and following my Papa wherever he goes. If he has months, I am going to be in them. I love school, and it will be here whenever I am ready to come back. He just means infinitely more than tests or projects or money.

Which brings me to my last point, a highly emotional one. Family. I love my nuclear family and they mean the world to me. Father mother brother sister. Stable important people that have always been there. But honestly, I have never really gotten extended family. I have always dreaded the conversations I have had with serious boyfriends about family stuff. I would always just shrug. I never grew up around my aunts and uncles and cousins. A couple times a year, tops. I didn't get it.

But I get it now. I get that family really takes care of each other when they need it and is always there. My incredibly brilliant Aunt Stacie has taken it upon herself to be with my Dad through the whole experience at Johns Hopkins. Where he would have been painfully alone, she drove from Georgia (Google Map that, it ain't pretty) to be with him through every appointment. AND she has also become insanely aware of his specific disease pathophysiology and prognosis, ANNNNNNND she has kept me entirely informed (like, minute by minute which is keeping me sane). Some family is weird and argumentative. But some family is Aunt Stacie. Reliable and awesome. 

We are also all taking joy in the little things. Like some lady paying for my dad to be in the sky lounge on his flight to Baltimore. Or my Mom's awesome boss. Or the one Asian child in all of Fort Collins smiling and waving at me at the end of my run yesterday. Sweet Yahweh loves us. Even if we can only see it in the small stuff right now.  

Love,

Suz