A Prologue

It is said that the true character of a person is revealed in periods of stress. If this is the case my father is endlessly joyful and optimistic. My mother is strong and reasonable. My brother is kind and hilarious. And I drink all the wine and cry so much my eyes crust over. All this to say, after being yellow for a week, an ultrasound, a CT scan, and an ERCP, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. There is a tennis ball sized mass living in his pancreas that has been growing for approximately 8 months. It has grown extremely quickly, as these things often do. If you have ever heard anything about pancreatic cancer, you know already it has one of the worst outcomes. It kills you, and it kills you quickly (for fellow nerds, the 1 and 5 year survival rates are 20% and 5%).

We, my brother, mother, father and I, have been lucky enough to have a pretty wonderful family. We make each other laugh until we pee, say 'I love you', give each other hugs, and tell each other the truth even when its hard to hear. We have seen each other through some pretty tough stuff. But this is a new ball game. This is the C word.

The good news is, as indicated above, everyone is dealing with it pretty well. Facing prognosis and planning accordingly. I am going crazy. CRAZY. being 3500 miles away, but otherwise it just looks like a family who cares for each other a lot going through something atrocious. I am angry, and everyone is very sad, but even in the midst of it all, capable (only God knows how) of having some perspective. I realize what a wonderful man this is, the kindest of them all, who taught my brother and I that we are valuable and deeply loved, that we can make mistakes and be forgiven and move on from them, and, equally important, how to check if the oil in our cars are running low. He roots for people. All people. And his presence on this earth is a blessing.

The most devastating part of all this for me is the perspective of walking down the aisle without him beside me. Raising babies that will never know his huge love or hugs, or his calm, gentle voice that really makes you believe everything will be okay. I don't have a silver lining to that one yet. I probably never will. But I know nothing is ever promised in this life. And I have been given the gift of a fantastic dad. He truly saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life and saw me through the most painful and terrifying trial I've ever faced. I am grateful for every second with him, and pray for many more. Pray with me please.

The purpose of this blog is to keep you posted on our journey, mostly his journey, down this road. We want absolutely everyone in the loop that wants to be, but also want to spend all the time we can together and not making phone calls. We feel your love big time. And we are so thankful for it.

Over and out

Suzanna